How You Can Date Your Spouse According To The 5 Love Languages

 In Marriage

I know I’ve written several times on dating your significant other in the past (you can find all previous links at the end of this post). But, through a recent survey I did on my blog, some of the most frequently asked questions were about date nights. For example, readers asked the following questions:

  • How do I put date ideas into practice?
  • What do we talk about when we’re on a date? How can we be intentional?
  • How can we afford date nights?
  • Who plans our dates? Is it the husband’s job, the wife’s, or both?
  • What do we do on date nights? How do we keep things fresh?
  • And a few others that I will write up as separate posts in the future.

My favorite and most practical question I got about dating your spouse was this: “What are some date night ideas for people with different love languages?” In today’s post, I’m going to share a few ideas/thoughts about the Five Love Languages, give a few suggestions on date nights in each of the love languages, and then tell you how you can download your new, revised 124 Killer Date Night Ideas Guide. And, even cooler, there are two of them now: one for the Dallas-Fort Worth (DFW) Metroplex and a national date night guide.

I’m sure most of you are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman and his series of books on the Five Love Languages. You can find out more about the love languages here (where you can take a free inventory and discover your love language), and you can find out more about the book here. It’s a quick, easy, very practical read (and happens to be one of the most bought/read books ever!).

One thing to note: when you learn your love language, the goal isn’t for you to shove this in your spouse’s face and make sure they serve you in the right way. The hope and goal are that you would discover their love language and serve them and put their needs before your own. So, take the love language test, make sure your significant other takes it as well, and then plan a date that would best serve them according to their needs and desires (not your own).

“What are some date night ideas for people with different love languages?” (in no particular order):

1) Words of Affirmation

  • Write a letter to your significant other and read it to them on your date.
  • People who like words of affirmation usually want to be known. Be intentional and thoughtful as you plan a date, letting them know why you chose to do what you’re doing on the date. Let them know you know them and affirm them throughout your date.
  • Ask your significant other about their hopes and dreams. Affirm what you see in them. Listen and ask good questions.

2) Acts of Service

  • Go on a date that they would most enjoy. When on your date, ask some questions about what you can do to serve them best in your relationship.
  • Go to a restaurant of their choice – serve them by putting their desires before your own.
  • Cook the dinner of their choice at home, give them a massage (without any expectation of anything in return!), and give your spouse some time to read or take a short nap. Keep their drink refilled and make sure they’re comfortable!
  • If you have kids, line up the sitter and make sure your kids are totally taken care of before you leave. Baths, diaper change, dinner, and bedtime all should be covered.

3) Receiving Gifts

  • Plan a scavenger hunt where you hide gifts for your significant other across town. Your gifts don’t have to be expensive. In fact, I’d encourage you to make them much more meaningful then they are costly.
  • Place a gift in the front seat of the car for when you leave for your date.
  • Go to one of those paint your own painting date nights so that you have a memento/gift from your date that you bring home with you.
  • Plan a date around a purchase you have been saving for or talking about. Or, if you’re not quite ready to make the purchase, window shop or look into options together.

4) Physical Touch

  • At movie theaters like Look Cinema, instead of sitting in separate chairs, you can get ‘couch’ tickets and snuggle up and watch a movie together. Of course, you can do the same at home: pop some popcorn, throw on some Netflix, and snuggle up together. I’d hold off on this one if you’re not yet married!
  • Sit on the same side of the booth at dinner or make a picnic at the park so you can be near each other.
  • Go for a walk around your neighborhood or a neat downtown area. Hold hands while you walk or put your arm around her shoulder.
  • Married couples only: What would serve your spouse sexually? What’s something new you can try? Where’s a new, fun, and legal place you can make love?

5) Quality Time

  • Go on a Progressive Date where you eat an appetizer at one restaurant, the main course at another, and then dessert or coffee at a third place. This will ensure lots of conversation and quality time in the car and at each restaurant. If you have kids at home, you’ll want to find a cheap/free sitter for this date night since you’ll be gone a few hours.
  • Go to a local museum where you’ll get lots of quality time together, walking and discussing what you’re learning. For example, Kristen and I recently visited the George W. Bush Presidential Museum and Library.
  • Go out for a concert on the lawn at a place that’s not too loud, but allows for extended time together. For example, the Arboretum in Dallas offers a concert series that make for a great, outdoor date night for some quality time.
  • Make your date night a date day. Start with coffee at a coffee shop and then go for a long walk in a park. Set up your hammock outside, take a nap, or just talk! Grab lunch together and then explore your town or a local museum.

I hope this helps! Now you have a good plan:

  1. Learn their love language.
  2. Plan a date that would best speak your significant other’s love language.
  3. Be creative, intentional, and thoughtful.

To give you more specific ideas, I put together a date night guide of 124 Killer Date Night Ideas. I asked some of the greatest people I know for their ideas (thank you, Merge leaders), compiled them into different categories, and then asked my friend Jeff Harmon to design a great, free, downloadable, 9-page guide. You may have seen this list before, but these are new and revised 2017 date night guides.

And, at the suggestion of my friend and writing coach, Chad Allen, I created a more generic guide in addition to the DFW guide. Now you can more easily find ideas for wherever you live instead of having to accommodate to a bunch of Dallas ideas. You know how us Texans are – we think the whole world should bend to us! Hopefully, the national guide will allow you to find some great date night ideas for wherever you live.

How Do I Get The Guide(s)?

Thanks for asking! If you’re already subscribed to my blog, then you don’t have to do a thing. They should have already landed in your inbox. If you don’t subscribe, then please click here or fill out the form at the bottom of the page and you’ll be able to download 124 Killer Date Night Ideas (DFW and/or National versions).

I hope to have a little fun with these as well. Whenever you go out on a date from the date night guides, snap a picture, and put it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram and tag it with #124DateIdeas. I’d like to see what you’re doing, and will give out some prizes in the weeks and months ahead to some of you.

Last, here are a few other resources and posts on dating your spouse:

Your Turn:

  • What suggestions do you have that you would add to this love language list?
  • What great date ideas do you have that others would benefit from?

2017 Date Night Guides

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Sign up today to get your 2017 Date Night Guides (124 Killer Date Night Ideas) and to be notified of new updates! When you sign up, you'll get access to both the Dallas-Fort Worth and National Date Night Guides!

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Showing 3 comments
  • Laurice
    Reply

    Great ideas Scott! Thank you so much for your blog. In my previous life (before Christ) I was devoutly selfish, always putting myself first. Your blog reminds me that I can glorify God by making my husband and our marriage a priority. I love all of the great ideas and biblical advice that help me intentionally pursue my husband.

    • Scott Kedersha
      Reply

      Thank you, Laurice! I’m so encouraged to hear this!

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